The Comparison Game: The Worst Game We Ever Created

The Comparison Game: The Worst Game We Ever Created

We’ve all felt it—the pressure to perform. Whether it’s for school, a job, or a sport, there’s something inside us that pushes us to do well. It’s human nature to strive for success.

But then comes a nasty thing I call The Comparison Game. No matter how big our accomplishments are, they can suddenly feel small when we compare them to someone else’s.

And at what cost?

The Science Behind the Comparison Trap

Social comparison isn’t just something we do—it’s wired into our brains. Psychologist Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory (1954) explains that we evaluate ourselves by comparing to others, often to determine where we stand socially or in our abilities.

Research has since shown that comparing ourselves to others—especially in unrealistic ways—can be harmful to mental health.

A study by Wang et al.(2017) found that frequent upward social comparisons (comparing ourselves to those who seem better off) are linked to increased anxiety, depression, and decreased self-esteem. Their research highlights how social networking sites can amplify these effects, especially for individuals with a strong tendency to compare themselves to others.

Another study by Stangl etal. (2023) examined the negative effects of Facebook use and found that passive social media engagement—such as scrolling through others' highlight reels—leads to increased stress, higher cortisol levels, and decreased overall well-being. This suggests that the more we engage in these comparisons, the more we may unknowingly harm our mental health.

And in the digital age, this is more common than ever.

Social media, work culture, and even casual conversations with friends can make it seem like everyone else is doing more—achieving bigger goals, landing betterjobs, running faster races.

We are always looking at someone else’s celebration that we forget to celebrate our own accomplishments.We convince ourselves we’re behind.

I know this feeling all too well. I’ve fallen into The Comparison Game more times than I can count.

When Running Taught Me a Lesson About Comparison

A couple of years ago, I started running. At first, it was all about personal progress—justa split second off my time was a reason to celebrate.

That was until I looked up the national average for women runners my age.

Suddenly, my progress didn’t feel like an accomplishment anymore. My personal best didn’t seem goodenough. That joy I had from seeing myself improve? It vanished in an instant.

And I wanted it back.

I realized I needed to change my mindset. Instead of chasing someone else’s standard, I had to set my own.

And I did.

Slowly but surely, I found myself getting closer to those times I had read about in the beginning. But this time, I enjoyed the process. Every hard-earned second I shaved off my time felt like a victory because I defined what success looked like.

If I had only focused on reaching that national average, I might have gotten there—but I wouldn’t have enjoyed the journey.

How to Stop Playing The Comparison Game

• Shift the Focus to Your Progress : Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to your past self. Are you learning? Growing? Improving? That’s what matters.
• Limit the Triggers : If social media, certain environments, or specific conversations make you feel "less than," set boundaries. Create your space to uplift, not drain, you.
• Celebrate Your Wins—Big and Small: Every step forward is avictory. Just because someone else has a different journey doesn’t mean yours isn’t valuable.
• Remind Yourself: No One Has It All Figured Out : Behind every polished success story is struggle, failure, and doubt. You’re not behind—you’re just on your unique path.

Redefining Success on Your Own Terms

The next time you catch yourself playing The Comparison Game, pause and ask:

❝ Whose standards am I measuring myself against? ❞

Your journey is your own. Whether you’re working toward a career goal, a fitness milestone, or simply trying to be a better version of yourself, celebrate your progress.

And if you ever need support in managing your mental health, you're not alone. At South Chesapeake Psychiatry, we’re here to help you find the right treatment plan to support your well-being.

Because your success is yours to define—make sure you enjoy the journey.

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References

• Stangl, F. J., Riedl, R., Kiemeswenger, R., & Montag, C. (2023). Negative psychological and physiological effects of social networking site use: The example of Facebook. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1141663. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1141663
• Wang, J. L., Wang, H. Z., Gaskin, J., & Hawk, S. (2017). The Mediating Roles of Upward Social Comparison and Self-Esteem and the Moderating Role of Social Comparison Orientation in the Association between Social Networking Site Usage and Subjective Well-Being. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 771. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00771

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